I guess I saw this in a dream. It has been so long since I saw you in person I guess it’s a hazy mix of my thoughts and my daydreams. I long to see you even if so. It made me realise how overwhelmed I am sometimes just by getting to grips with the feeling that you want me. That we are together and that we love each other. We may not know each other well, at least I still do not. But I absolutely love what we have.

You sat with the aunties and the womenfolk. I guess I never grew out of calling women who were not children, aunties. I saw you sit between them, listening to them gossip about people you didn’t care about or didn’t even know about. Always amazed to see how you can pull off that genuine expression of interest when your mind is miles away from the room. Throwing in your oohs and ahs, the hollowness of which only I could tell. Am I that close to you? I guess so. Do I know everything about you that well? I guess not, but then what is the fun in that.

I was wearing a coloured kurta. Yeah, colour and a kurta. It was you who had finally sprayed some colour into my wardrobe. Still feeling out of place, no doubt having dodged every chance of having to wear it even though it was your choice. Smiling embarrassingly at everyone who complimented me for it and blushing, with only you to know that I was. I guess my eyes looked out for you till they met yours. You smiled and I looked away coyly.

The party was another lifeless traditional shindig. As much as I love the food, I simply do not know what to do except make faces at children and some different ones at adults. While I got away with my unusual ways of entertaining people despite my blatant social ineptitude, I could see you praying for the life of you to get out of here. Is it even ineptitude if you’re so bad it is good? I suppose so. And I absolutely must insist to you that itis ineptitude even if you think it is the exact opposite. You could say your prayers were answered by me. For I glanced back and knew we immediately had to chart an escape plan.

A few old uncles here and a few friends there, some smart words and few apologies later your poor soul was put out of its misery. On our way back with you by my side, the radio and your sweet voice telling me all the gossip to keep away the silence. How I was able to keep an eye on the road while being able to keep up with every detail of your story just the way you tell it I will never know. Yet I know just how you’d narrate each of them and I feel the rapt attention within me.

We rolled into our house and you walked onto the sofa and lay there putting your feet up, far away from the maddening crowd. And I just stood there keys in my hand watching you dumbstruck. You asked me what it was and I sheepishly replied that it was nothing. It is these small exchanges between us that I love so much. It’s a thing I feel comfortable to call our own. I took out a bottle of Shiraz and poured it into two glasses. The glasses are always for the first round no? Between us and a day like that, a bottle is not too much.

I opened the doors to the veranda and sat on the sofa by your feet. As bad as I can be at telling when something was bothering you, I felt a sense of fulfillment for what I did today. Yet, I felt something was amiss. A glint of disappointment in your eyes with which you looked at me. A look that was there the whole evening. You looked at me with those eyes and then finally it dawned on me. On my insistence, you had worn a sari, and I know you are never the one to go fishing for compliments but you expected something from me.

All the aunties and other ladies were lowkey jealous. The uncles eyeing you up for sure. And yet, nothing from me. I didn’t say anything nice when you got ready. I guess I should have sensed your anticipation and yet what could I have done? I am always so taken by you. I honestly don’t know what to say sometimes. Words would for me never be enough to do justice to your beauty. Saying that I was speechless would be an understatement. Whether it be your poise and grace in that saree or the carefree abandon when you are in bed. I love slipping you little nuggets every day and yet I am at a loss when you take me by surprise.

So knowing what I knew best I smiled and held the glass as close to my lips to hide it. Apologized to you and stretched my arm out to your face. Held it in my hand and looked at you. You are mine and that means the world to me. And then we went back to what we have.

Here to express musings while they figure out their place in this world